Unofficial Rules to Starting Comedy

One time this girl asked me how to start comedy. Instead of answer her question I just went home and wrote this blog. I didn't get her contact info or anything like that, so no clue if she will ever read this, but at least you can. F*** her. These are the comedic rules I live by, or something?

• You will kill every time no one is watching
• You are your worst critic, until you do decent, at which point everything you think is overinflated and wrong.
• YOU WILL BOMB EVERY TIME THAT YOU…
  • Decide comedy is going to be profitable
  • Invite a girl you plan on sleeping with to see you
  • Invite a friend to see you after telling them how good you have gotten
  • Ask the owner to watch your set
  • Ask a headliner to watch your set
• Plaid pattern and a beard are now your new friends
• Your friends now expect you to always be “on”
  • You won’t
• Someone less funny than you will inevitably give you tips
  • OF COURSE THE TIPS WILL BE S****Y
• A comic you respect will tell you that you did a good job or are improving (out of kindness or a lost bet more than likely). You will take this to mean that you are the best comedian to ever perform and that next week you should headline. DO NOT HEADLINE
• Make sure to film and post every set you ever do on youtube, when it sits at 14 views for 7 months you can remember how far from the top you really are.
• That new killer joke you wrote sounds a lot like another joke by another comedian, congrats people now think you steal material
• You will do the shittiest shows every chance you get because you love comedy and although it isn’t the most financially viable plan you’ve ever had it is the one thing you are passionate about and if you work real hard at it for a really long time, you might get to MC but odds are the booker will need to see another set…