The Entire History of America, Terrorism, and Jesus (Skipping all the wars, except the civil one)

Some of my less informed friends on Facebook, don't understand the rich tradition established by Christopher Columbus! Luckily I'm brilliant, and don't mind dumbing it down for them, I'm pretty sure all of this is 100% accurate. If not, go fuck yourself... AMERICA!

510 years ago Jesus told Christopher Columbus about this awesome place he was thinking about discovering called America, but Jesus was too busy dying on a cross to take a long boat trip.

So Chris Columbus was like "I got it bro."

On the way he discovered some terrorists (Indians [Native American's]), and he was like "no way I'm letting this shit stand!"

So he had his friends (Patriots) rape/kill/give smallpox to the terrorists, because FREEDOM? 

Anyway then some other stuff happened, then Thomas Jefferson wrote a paper about being an American, and told the King of England to go fuck himself.

The King was like "Me? Fuck myself? No way bro! I'm a terrorist too!”

And like EVERY time American has gone up against a terrorist, we won immediately,  and England was like, our bad bro, AMERICA!

So back in America, people were really liking Thomas Jefferson’s paper, and they were like man, let’s vaguely interpret this and make it the law of the land! And Jefferson was like “Fucking perfect!”

America was a perfect place, and then one day some blacks were like “HEY, whens we gon’ be free” and half of America was like, how about right now, and the other half was like “I’ll die before that shit happens! I ain’t gunna work for myself, that’s why Jesus invented blacks!”

Jesus (who was dead) was all like “I’m going to stay out of this, but then retroactively back whichever side wins, FREEDOM”

Anyways, the American north, fought the American south, over blacks. And won. Then the south (mostly) was like “We were dicks back there, sorry, how about we hire the blacks and pay them less than a living wage?”

And the north was like “Perfect! This won’t backfire in 100 years!”

Oh but it did, in the 1960’s some blacks were like, “Hey, we want to be equal people!” and some whites were like that makes sense, but others were like, “Fuck that, who will work my farm?”

Then we accidentally killed Martin Luther King and JFK, and Lyndon Johnson was like, “Fine, blacks and whites are equal!”

But people in the south were like “Who is going to work our farms and do other jobs we don’t want to do?”

So Jesus, still dead, called his dad, and they had a meeting, and they decided to invent... MEXICANS! You see, Mexican’s would do the work blacks used to do for free, for pennies on the dollar! And we didn’t have to let them vote, or give them health insurance, or nothin’ because... FREEDOM!

From then until the 1980’s when Jesus came back for 8 years under the secret name “Ronald Reagan” and got America back on track, you see minorities were getting all uppity and shit, so Reagan and his crack team of scientist figured out 3 simple ways, to put minorities back in their place because of... AMERICA?

So the Reagan scientist, invited Crack cocaine, and AIDS, and distributed them freely to any minorities who wanted them. THEN the Reagan economics team invented Reaganomics, which pretty much dictated that poor people would have infinite downward and lateral mobility, but none of that pesky “upward mobility” because... ‘MERICA!

So after Jesus left us (1988) we got the first president George Bush. He did some stuff, but wasn’t nearly as good at presidenting, as nuJesus was, so America, accidentally elected a dumb hick from Arkansas to be president.

This dumb hick (President Clinton) largely reversed the policies of nuJesus, and America was at risk of falling prey to a minority uprising (and by uprising, I mean them being fully equal and in no way disenfranchised [the very antithesis of our foundation]) so to overcorrect this, we elected (twice) George Bush’s autistic son.

George Jr. was largely seen as a return to the mediocrity established by his father, he even got us into two wars with muslim nations because... FREEDOM!

So the rich people (patriots) got richer under Jr, and the poor people kept getting poorer/dying in a flood. Poor people being the reactionaries they are, accidentally elected a black muslim (DOUBLE TERRORIST?!) thinking that his double terrorist status canceled out and meant he wasn’t a terrorist. OOOOPS!

Not to worry, Mitt Romney, who has the luxury of not even remembering either president  Bush, has come to save America, and return us to our roots, the same roots that made it hard for blacks to vote, where gay sex and abortion were the same thing, and where you could justify any fringe conspiracy theory by the selective reading of the bible! Because you know... FREEDOM

Anyways, the choice this November couldn’t be more clear, vote for the the guy who belives in the bible above all, whose religion was founded by a glorified snake oil salesman, and has an elevator in one of his houses for cars. Or the negro terrorist. Godspeed fellow Americans! Also... FREEDOM!

Presidential debates.

So my posts haven't been showing up... That's frustrating.

Here is my notes from the presidential debate. Why did I take notes? No idea, most of theses ended up as tweets on @BrandonComedy

7:58 I think I’m going to do my blog post this week in this format.

7:58 I’m watching the presidential debates on MSNBC, because I’m a filthy liberal.

7:59 Nice stage, I would love to do stand up on that stage.

7:59 as Maddow says the audience isn’t expected to cheer, the audience is heard cheering.

8:00 debate isn’t on. I immediately want ice cream.

8:00 Chris Matthews is pretty unlikable, I’m going to get ice cream.

8:02 Jim Leherer, whenever I saw him as a kid, I knew it was time to go to bed,

8:04 Both candidates are wearing the same suit. Neither came out to theme music. I’m calling bullshit.

8:05 Obama spends a minute giving shout outs.

8:08 Mitt Romney’s make up isn’t doing him any favors.

8:10 I’m guessing there won’t be any ad hominem personal attacks tonight.

8:13 Obama is resisting calling Mitt names, I dislike this quality in him.

8:16 I forgot how boring these are. Debates should be held at the Apollo.

8:18 Obama keeps bringing up facts, I bet Mitt hates that.

8:20 SUCK IT DONALD TRUMP


8:24 Mitt getting snippy about rules!

8:27 Jim has lost control.

8:28 Romney just alluded to firing Jim Lehrer, zinger!

8:31 “I have my own plan”

8:32 Mitt is raising his voice.

8:35 Obama keeps using those pesky facts!

8:38 Mitt Romney has referenced a friend, I’m calling lies.

8:39 Jim Lehrer should just leave. Seriously is he helping anything?

8:43 here comes a zinger?

8:44 Nope, just misdirection and distortion of facts.

8:46 Romney killed Obama’s grandmother

8:51 Jim Lehrer just said “fuck it”

8:57 I haven’t wrote stuff in a while.

9:04 There is no way both sides aren't completely convinced they are winning right now.

9:16 I got Ice Cream, did I miss anything? No? Perfect!

9:33 This is the most Jim Lehrer said all night.

Conclusion: Every candidate met a **** over in **** who **** because she was so inspired by ****, even though **** would deny them the chance because they were too old/a woman/poor/A dog.

Great specials

There are about 10 million comedy specials out, some of them phenomenal, most of them passable. Here are a few great and diverse specials you need to check out (in no order).

 

Dane Cook, Vicious Circle: Say what you want about Dane, I know I have, but Vicious is an insanely good special. Yes it is done in the typical Dane over the top loud style, but the fact the he retains command of such an enormous crowd makes this a special to watch. Playing shows in the round is hard (I hear), at all times your back is to half of the crowd, but Dane manages to not only make it work, but to KILL in this situation.

See also: ISolated INcident: Dane in awesome form, doing a quieter set. Still has the same Dane mannerisms, but it is a more traditional stand up set, and it is insanely personal.

Eddie Murphy, Raw: Eddie dominated comedy in the 1980’s. So much so that after 25 years of not performing people still beg to see him take the stage. This is a fun special to watch. Eddie is young and confident, but remains in total control the entire time he is on stage. I especially like how he floats seamlessly from raunchy stand up, to fun character pieces. I especially love showing this special to people who have never seen Eddie do comedy, because there’s almost no way to predict how raunchy it gets. There is a cringeworthy bit about homosexuality, that doesn’t hold up in 2012, but the moment passes and hilarity follows, keep in mind the guy on stage yelling faggot is wearing purple leather.

See Also: Delirious. Eddie’s first special, also really good, I just feel like the Raw material was more refined.

Bill Cosby, Himself: Bill Cosby is a great story teller. And in this special he flows magically from one tale to another. Bill Cosby makes comedy look effortless. He controls the crowd in a way that tricks the viewer into thinking “I could do this” Bur therein lies the trap. There is only one Bill Cosby, and this is him at his best.

Bill Burr, Why Do I Do This?: I love the angry white comic. It is just a really interesting persona to watch, and Bill Burr is the best at it. His rants on race, women, sports,  whatever. Burr is just scathing in his critiques and more often than not you’ll think “Man that’s kind of fucked up,” followed immediately by “But he isn’t wrong.” Burr might be the least famous on this list, but that’s only because America has some hang up about comics that are super honest speaking freely.

Patrice O'Neal, Elephant in the Room: Every open mike comic says some variation of "I say the things that everyone else is afraid to say" most of them are full of shit. Patrice is one of the few comics I can think of that can make an audience have a hard belly laugh, followed immediately by uncomfortable silence. Patrice's style is super conversational, and it feels like you are just having a conversation with a hilarious friend, who makes better points than you do.

Chris Rock, Kill the Messenger: This special almost ruined comedy for me before I started. Before I started doing comedy, I thought that comedy was something that you made up freely every night (spoiler alert, it isn't!). This special is unique in that is very obviously made up of 3 different shows. I like this special because it shows the minute changes you have to make to get your material to go over in different regions. So while it initially made me want to quit comedy, it later helped make me a better comedian.

If you get a chance to watch the special edition, the New York show is by far the best. Followed distantly by South Africa. You can skip London.

The Kings of Comedy: Say what you want about the material, but this is the most FUN comedy special I’ve ever seen. Sure it isn’t always the most original material, but look at the audience. From start to go the audience isn’t just laughing, they are actively having FUN. I defy you to find a comedy show where the audience enjoys themselves as much as they do here.

Gays don't choose to be gay, you can choose to not pick on them.

I wrote this last week for OKC.net, now it's even more timely so I am posting the full unedited version here:

“Hey, I know you” a girl says as I walk to class.

“Oh yeah?” I say startled.

“Yeah, your Brandon Patrick, the face of women’s rights in Oklahoma!” she proclaimed, proudly.

“I’m not sure that’s true, or possible” I retort.

“Yep you are, I saw you speak at the capitol! You are the face of women’s rights!” She insists.

“Oh, I guess so” I say, giving in.

People think things. And sometimes, despite evidence to the contrary, they will still think things. It is insane to insist, or even believe that I, a black male, am the voice of women’s rights. I am a comedian, and my act isn’t even necessarily “pro-woman” all the time. But because I took a gig that a lot of people saw, at least in the minds of those people that’s who I am, a woman’s rights activist.

I’m not smart or anything, but from what I gather people tend to not shake first impressions. So when as a kid, your dad tells you that being gay is a choice, and as far as choices go it is a wrong one. I’m not gay, but friends of mine are, and from what I gather it wasn’t a choice they made one day, it was something they lived with and have had to battle with as they grow up in a society that doesn’t understand or accept them, think X-Men but instead of awesome powers, they are great wing men and can help you match suit separates! 

Lately the GOP has been attacking both women and gays. Gays get it tougher, because NO ONE can debate that being a woman isn’t something you are born with. But it super easy to dismiss gay as an abhorrent lifestyle choice, something that people are doing to attack the sanctity of marriage. It is easy to pick on gays, stereotypically they are effeminate and weak, and they aren’t a majority. 

ALSO GOD HATES THEM, He said it in Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." So pretty cut and dry, open and shut case right? It’s in the bible and we are a Christian nation (despite that pesky first amendment) but what else does leviticus say? Can we openly hate Mexican’s too?! Nope, but you can commit murder-suicide if the man cheats (20:10), this is compounded if you sleep with your wife and her mom, you are all to be burnt to death (20:14), If you curse God the community gets to stone you to death (24:14-16) and of course if you sleep with a woman on her period, you are to both be cut off from your people, which I think means all humans (20:18). Okay, but aside from that, Christianity is a peaceful religion (IGNORE DEUTERONOMY 17:2-7 AT ALL COSTS)and is inherent in mankind, remember being born and talking about Jesus and shit? Meee too! So why do we persecute homosexuals? Because it’s different. They have sex differently, and may have created AIDS on an airplane! 

We persecute gays because it is easy. The way society is set up is even the lowest most uneducated person wants to look at someone and say “well I know that my shit is messed up, but THESE people are doing something terrible,” now typically we would just lump that on blacks, hispanics, or traditional scapegoat the Jews! But since slavery and subsequent segregation put a black eye on OPEN racial hatred we needed another group to treat sub-humanly and make our lowest common denominator feel good about himself. Enter the gays.

Clearly as a rational person we get that the gays aren’t out to kill marriage, and are just people who want to be treated like people. As rational human beings I think maybe we should stand a little more firmly in support of gays, they are in the corner of the rational person more often than not. Gays are people, we should love people, and focus on important issues, not what happens in someones bedroom behind a closed door.

Let’s just love each other, even if we don’t always understand each other*.

*Except the Kardashian’s seriously, how are they still a thing.

Turns out we have to have 28 blog posts for this class

So this is number 28.

I graduate at the end of summer

Then I move to *******, more on that later...

Lingo

Comedy, like every other esoteric occupation has its own language. Fortunately for you, that language is based in english! But in discussing comedy I noticed I have slipped in some of this lingo. Now we both know YOU are smart and able to use context clues, but the person next to you... ugh.

Dante The Comic, Tornados and the Queen of Social Media

This blog focuses on two awesome people I know. Both of whom have awesome energies and philosophies, also I don't think they know each other, but they live in the same city and should. 

It's all weird.

No weird or interesting shows to report on so I will just leave you with 10 things that are currently going on.

1. I am "dating" the same girl since January, this is a big deal, or maybe it's not, it just doesn't happen that often. She isn't my girlfriend, so feel free to hit on me.
2. I wrote a script for Friday Night Live and it was really well received. Big ego boost.
3. I have been awake for 14 hours.
4. seventeen hundred thousand. Ask Courtney, SHE AIN'T GOT TIME FOR NUMBERS!
5. I think I'm starting a podcast with Josh Lathe, obviously I will be the star.
6. I shaved my beard, it's weird, but I highly recommend the Schick Quatro!
7. I am a f*cking child.
8. Remember Kony 2012? Nope!
9. The speaker in our class just said she cusses in her blog, I should do that, it would make number 7 so much fucking better.
10. There are an inordinate amount of beautiful women in the Mass Comm building.

2 Shows, 2 wildly different sets of results.

First off I want to say, that as I was walking to class today, I gave my phone number to a homeless dude. He found out I did comedy, and now wants to manage me... Whatever.

Investing 100+ hours into a video game, and other ways to fail as a human

I am not much of a video gamer, but the few games I play I am extremely loyal to. I will play every game in a franchise, and greet new releases as if they were an old friend (they aren't).

3 sets, all weird.

I work all manner of weird gigs. Last week I did 3 separate gigs each with their own weird set of problems. Without a video play by play here is a break down of the three sets.

The word of the day is... LARYNGITIS!

I'll talk about the protest Tuesday (and there is soooo much to talk about)!

America's Drive In

If you tip at Sonic you are an idiot.

The Last REAL Job I had... (LONG) (Language)

I apologize about how long this post is, and about how unfunny this may be.

I used to work at an electronic super store, kind of like Circuit City, but more blue (THIS IS FORESHADOWING BLUE IS MORE THAN A COLOR). Before this gets negative (and possibly hilarious) I want to say that thanks to this job I have a passion for photography and met five people that I don’t completely hate. With that said, FUUUCK THIS PLACE, and Wal-Mart is generally cheaper. No, seriously.

I started working at this place last May and it seemed alright - I don’t really mind any job that lets me fuck off for most of the day while talking to hot girls about electronics. That was about the first 3 months. Like, literally all I did was talk to hot girls and play video games and learn about cameras…then the holiday season hit. You know, August - the holiday season. At that point it went from awesome all the time to “Hey shit is going to start getting lame, oh and this guy who is dumber than you is going to pretend to be your supervisor. Don’t worry, he isn’t, but he is buddy-buddy with the manager, so refrain from calling him a fucking idiot if at all possible.” (More on this dumb fuck later.)

I will freely admit that I am a difficult man to employ: I am moody, more concerned with pretty much everything, openly mocking and judgmental of stupid policies, and generally pretty lazy. With that said I am a lot smarter than AT LEAST 75% of the people I worked with, probably 90% but I don’t have my spreadsheet open. The entire time I worked at this place I was doing stand up - my passion - and I was pretty open about that at the time of my hiring (requesting Wednesdays and Sundays off for open mics). So it came as no surprise that I joked around a lot at work – like, a lot. Especially in the break room, where after 90 minutes of explaining to a lady why the HD video on her Fuji didn’t look like the stuff on TV, sometimes I would just go vent, which is hilarious because I am hilarious.

At some point maybe around July, the management figured out how funny I was and they began joking around with me, which is fine. Sure it got unprofessional at times, but I am not some HR champion. But at one point in front of a customer and during a pretty big sale, a manager kept calling me infect-ticle, (I had at some point prior to this contracted epididymitis which is at its essence an inflamed testicle) which I had to explain to the customer (who kept asking why the manager in question called me that). One day the same manager walked up to me and asked me if I had written “Fuck [place I worked]” on my Facebook, and I told him of COURSE I had, because it was within my legal right to do so. Also he wasn’t my Facebook friend which means someone had told him. Either way, my Facebook is pretty much a big joke to me. I have never taken it seriously, and I only post things on it that I find funny or that have some importance to those close to me, but the fact that he attempted to get me to remove it shows how insecure this particular gentleman was about this company. (A place he has worked for longer than he has done anything else - he has worked there over half of his life…. WHYYYYYYYYY.)

Anyway - shortly after, I got a text message from a girl I worked with saying that the managers didn’t like me and were looking for a reason to fire me, to which I replied “Oh for real? That sucks.” I don’t think at the time I realized how trivial it was that my managers not only talked about me behind my back but did so in front of my friends. And YES, I do see the hypocrisy in me bitching about a manager talking about me behind my back while writing a blog about how shitty he and his company are, but the difference is I am a petty asshole, and I don’t hold anyone’s career in my hands (to my knowledge) other than my own.

WORST OF ALL, there was this fucking guy, this sloppy, dumb piece of shit who somehow got a TASTE of power, just a taste, and thought he was hot shit. On three separate occasions I heard this motherfucker on the phone telling people he was a manager, no motherfucker, managers don’t work the floor or have their schedules made for them. They also usually have name tag indicating their position in the managerial hierarchy; they also don’t make  just a dollar more than me. Seriously fuck this guy. Every time he saw me he tried to shake my hand. What is that? I don’t shake my friends’ hands every time I see them. This guy was a fucking idiot. I would openly make fun of how shitty he was as a person and he, being a moron couldn’t figure out I was making fun of him. 

ANOTHER THING, his dad was always in the store. I don’t care how proud of me my dad is, he isn’t coming to my job every day to check on me. Why the fuck did this happen every goddamned day? I honestly saw his dad more than I saw my own dad in 2010. This motherfucker would spend hours in the store and never buy shit, just hang out - why the fuck was this allowed to happen? CUT THE FUCKING CORD!
Anyway back to this fucking idiot whom I hate. He was lazier than I was; I am lazy but this motherfucker probably worked about three hours a day, most of which was spent translating Spanish because he was one of three people in the store who spoke it. The rest of his time was spent sitting in chairs and trying to fuck our co-workers, which I have on good authority never happened. This fucking guy is the exact type of person these companies love to hire because he is just dumb enough to over work himself, never apply for benefits or question orders, and he will dump most of the money he makes right back into the company. Seriously, if I ran a place, I would hire dumb motherfuckers like him all day and everyday. So what if he smells bad and lies to customers? He is too dumb to notice he’s underpaid and a non-issue as far as EVERYTHING is concerned. Fuck this guy. I hope one day he accidentally looks in a mirror and finds out just how pathetic he is, just how low you can become as a person, maybe even an un-person.

This is disjointed… I should look into an editor. [Editor’s note: We tried our best.]

I got fired, more accurately I was asked to leave. I saw this coming, and my supervisor and I (whom I think is a good guy) would joke about it in front of customers. Like “Yeah, buy from Brandon now, he won’t be here in a week!” Over Christmas break I chose to go see my parents whom I hadn’t seen in quite some time (I think since August). I had told my manager not to even BOTHER scheduling me for the day after Christmas because I wouldn’t come in. He took that in one ear, said “Oh, that’s the third busiest day of the year (it isn’t) - you will definitely be on the schedule.” I told him I would be in Missouri and probably snowed in, and he asked “Are you pre-calling in?” and I was like “Sure.” and he was like “Okay.” Now keep in mind I never called in. As a matter of fact I had to work Black Friday (WITH epididymitis) because another guy called off (This motherfucker had three grandpas die in a three month span and he still works there, fuck him) so I figured I had some bargaining chips in, turns out I didn’t. Oh well.
The day after Christmas came, I called in and the phones weren’t on. SERIOUSLY - A COMPANY WORTH MILLIONS OF DOLLARS DIDN’T TURN ITS PHONES ON - ON THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS - THE ALLEGED “THIRD MOST IMPORTANT SALES DAY OF THE YEAR!” Anyway, since I didn’t call in (I thought I pre-called in, turns out that isn’t a thing), and my manager checked the weather service in Kansas City (who does that?) and didn’t find the weather conditions unacceptable, decided to tell me that he simply couldn’t trust me, and that my integrity had been compromised. Oddly enough he has made some pretty suspect choices later, but who I am I to question someone’s integrity? He would give me two options: One, to put in my two weeks, leave with their recommendation OR I could stay employed for the next 90 days, but if I was even one minute late for those 90 days I would be fired. I had to tell him “Dude I was seven minutes late today, we both know that isn’t possible.” to which he replied “Yeah, so I guess we know what you have to do (insincere sad face).”…

On my way out of his office he asked me a simple question. “Which do you consider a bigger priority, this company or stand up?” Are you fucking kidding me? He had to already know the answer to that before he asked. Even people who don’t do stand up would probably choose stand up. Which do you like more, fun or work? I think we both know how that ended. I fucking laughed in his face and left.

Additional note: About two weeks after my last day I got three phone calls from people I worked with while I was in class. When I got out of class I checked my messages and was informed that I was supposed to open the store and that I was going to get written up. I went in (to buy something for my camera later that day) and my manger walked up to me and the girl I was with all buddy-buddy and was like “It is the darndest thing, we forgot to take you out of the system. Don’t worry about it, we didn’t write you up.You know how crazy computers can be blah blah blah.” In the middle of his rant I was like “Dude I don’t give a fuck, but since I am on the schedule, I am on the pay roll. Since I am on the payroll I get the discount. Peace kid, I am buying shit on the cheap.”

I don’t hate this place, but it is pretty shittily [Editor’s note: Not quite sure how to spell “shittily,” it’s really annoying.] run. There are a handful of people I consider friends that still work there, but I think our friendship can endure this blog. If not, oh well.

As usual, thanks for reading. This ended up longer than I wanted it to be but oh well. 

P.S. If you found this at all legible, thank Chad McNaughton, he took one long run-on sentence and turned it into whatever it is this is.  ALSO a special thanks to Clarissa Moore, she helped iron out a bunch of the tiny grammatical stuff that Chad and I missed. I haven’t even known her for a week and I already owe her favors!

Roasting: A comedy tradition

Last night a bunch of Oklahoma City comics got together and roasted one of our own, Mr. Zac McClure.

Internet Dating

I make lots of poor choices in my life, I mean a LOT, but what started off as a drunken joke has led to a few interesting friendships and a constant reminder that sanity is but a dangling thread, to be cut at the first sign of criticism, judgement, or rejection.

Sometimes You TRY to Record a CD and NO ONE Bothers to Show Up.

On September 27th me and 5 of OKC’s finest comics performed a show at UCO’s famed constitution hall.

We Probably Aren't Friends

friend  |frend| noun. a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Please Kill Me.

Obviously don't, but I would love a nap!

Black Comedy

I am a black guy, by no choice of my own.

Arrogance

BY THEIR VERY NATURE, COMEDIANS ARE EGOTISTICAL.

Charlie Murphy likes my comedy, he probably isn't aware of yours.

First of all, I want to say none of this would have been possible
without FreezLuv. He features for Charlie on the road, and was cool
enough to get me backstage to hang out with Charlie Murphy (follow him
on twitter @FreezLuv).

See me Live. A plea.

     Every night, knights armed with spiral notebooks and corded microphones do battle against an unrelenting beast.

Analyzing a Bad Set

Here is a set (and my annotations) I did recently (1/15/2012) that didn't go as planned. The audience still had a good time but my intended goal of working new material and not doing any old jokes was not met.

Unofficial Rules to Starting Comedy

One time this girl asked me how to start comedy. Instead of answer her question I just went home and wrote this blog. I didn't get her contact info or anything like that, so no clue if she will ever read this, but at least you can. F*** her. These are the comedic rules I live by, or something?